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#1 question I get asked (almost daily) nowadays: have you lost weight?

Somedays that makes me smile and feel like I conquored life's biggest & most important challenge (cause that's how people act when they ask it).

And other days all I hear when people ask that is "Wow not too long ago you were really, really huge! It's really a miracle that you're close to an acceptable size now!" (which I realize may be a true statement but, nevertheless, still doesn't feel pleasant to hear).

The answer is yes, since September 28 of last year I've lost a total of 68 pounds.


#2 question that always follows is: how did you do it?

I usually try to walk away before people can ask me that, because I don't know how to answer it. Because when the weight started coming off, it wassn't even intentional....but people don't understand that, and since they're not being paid to be my therapist and listen to all my woes, I usually just say "Hm? Oh, you know....I exercised. Ate less. Whatever.".

I could say what I really did, what works for me and what doesn't, but I'm not qualified in the least to give any advice on the subject, and talking about it at any length makes me feel uncomfortable.

I did exercise, that part's true. I didn't make any goals, I just started running because nothing else I tried would clear my head and give me peace.

I started walking at first, but my mind still wandered.

So I picked up the pace and still every time I do it, for about a mile all I can think about is how uncomfortable I am, how I'd rather be sitting on the couch, or how silly I must look in my workout clothes.

But then I reach a point where ALL I can focus on is the music in my ears and my breath. And that was what I needed all along, and why I keep doing it. It's still not ever really enjoyable when I start, but for some reason the discomfort of it and feeling totally exhausted at the end of 3 miles feels GOOD. So I keep on doing it.


I am thankful I found a hobby that makes me feel good. And I'm thankful I've avoided injury while running in these hazardous things:


These ugly things have got to be close to 4 years old.....maybe more. That's OLD...especially for running shoes. One of the laces broke in half and then frayed, and so to even tie them into a bow is kind of a challenge. Actually it's impossible. Also, they're technically men's shoes. So they probably don't fit the way a running shoe is supposed to fit, but they're comfy and they get the job done. I'm on the hunt for new running shoes, and I can't wait to lace up shoes that are more comfortable, increase my speed, and keep me injury-free.


Aside from my beat-up shoes, the other things that have kept me moving are:


Music. I can NOT run without my ipod. I can walk, but I find it SO much harder to pick up the pace and run when I'm not listening to something. It has to be the right music too. I have different playlists for when I'm in the gym and for when I'm running. My favorites for either playlist are the kind of songs that I could never ever listen to in the car when I'm with the girls. So they're like a guilty pleasure:




Another big motivating force: Arissa Ronell, Mariah Grace, Mallory Mae. I like the feeling that I get when they watch me make healthy choices. I like how every once in awhile they join in on doing pilates with me on the living room floor. And watching Arissa dance and do her crazy flips reminds me of what I used to be capable of (well I was never capable of doing the stuff she does, even when I was her age, but I was more flexible & active at least).

So that's that.....wayyyyy more than anyone ever wanted to know about me & my issues!!


Somebody suggested I scrapbook some before and after photos....but when I went to look for some, I realized that I've pretty much avoided photos both before AND after I lost a few pounds. :) Plus for some reason I don't really like the idea of photo comparisons like that. It would make me feel like I was less-than okay before.

I am working hard to base my attitude about weight on what attitude I want my girls to have.

I hope my girls focus on health and how it feels to run and jump and be strong and happy......not on weight.

I hope they never count calories.

I hope they never feel like they have to exercise 'x' times a week or else they've "failed" or been "bad".

I hope they never ever establish a magic number on the scale, which they feel makes them acceptable if they're below it, and scared to death of being over it.

I hope if they ever get to a point where they decide they need to lose some weight, that they don't feel like they'll only be okay once they do lose it.

And I figure if I want those things for them, it's possible that someone might want the same for me and if nothing else: I can want it for myself.



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